The Death of Ego

Posted on by Branimir

The last stages of awakening can feel like walking through fire. Suffering often shows itself in ways that are raw and persistent. For me, this meant waves of fear, tension, shame, and restlessness that seemed to take over the body — sometimes for days at a time. It was exhausting, almost like being pressed against a wall of discomfort with nowhere to run. Every escape mechanism failed, every strategy collapsed, until all that was left was helplessness. The whole emotional trauma resurfaced with the unseen intensity. Something was about to shift.

The last stages of this path were marked by suffering that was more intense than anything before. It wasn’t just a passing wave — it stretched on for weeks and weeks. There was restlessness, tension, and unease that filled my days and nights. It felt relentless, like the nervous system itself was burning through layers of old resistance.

And yet, when all of that finally collapsed, something extraordinary revealed itself. What opened was not just peace, but a kind of vastness — as if I had touched a perspective that existed before the world was created, before the idea of a self was ever born. The closest way I can describe it is like a pre-human world, untouched, innocent. Of course, no description is exact, but intuitively it was utterly clear: there has never been a self, not even before.

That insight changed everything. It didn’t just bring relief — it evaporated the echoes of suffering, dissolved the last remnants of the old struggle. Peace stabilized in a way I had never known. It was no longer about managing or practicing. It was simply obvious.

But the unfolding did not stop there. Another shift began to stir, and I could sense it coming. For the first time, the tension before the shift was not in the body. Every other shift had announced itself through contractions in the abdomen, the chest, the gut. This time, it was in the head — a subtle pressure, a quiet discomfort that carried no drama but pointed to something deeper.

What fell away next was the most profound of all, though it happened without fireworks. The sense of a watcher — the faintest residue of selfhood, the quiet witness behind the eyes — simply disappeared. It was as if the last hiding place of the self dissolved, leaving no one left to observe. Experience became panoramic, centerless, effortless. It was not a grand event, but its subtlety was its depth. Like stepping into a trip that never ends.

Looking back, I can see how essential shadow work was in this unfolding. All the trauma, all the buried suffering, all the shame and restlessness I had carried for so long — they were not obstacles to awakening, but the very material of awakening itself. Meeting them, feeling them, and letting them dissolve was not optional; it was the key. The self was stitched together by those wounds, and as they were faced, the seams came apart.

Awakening is not just about glimpsing emptiness or touching freedom. It is about walking through the layers of suffering until even the watcher who claims to endure it is gone.

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